the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
