Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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