there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
