i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
