I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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