so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
