Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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