Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
