Someone shit on the floor
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
