ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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