he was CRYING into my vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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