Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drunk is a universal language darling
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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