But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
