Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize