Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
