shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just had sex on a roof
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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