cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
