he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize