i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
