garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my being single is dangerous.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
