so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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