So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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