mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize