Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
