he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
