Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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