i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize