he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I fill condoms, not promises.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize