I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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