haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
