Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
