AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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