just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
