i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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