we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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