He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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