so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
