I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
