so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
