all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
