So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
