my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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