Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
