you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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