Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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