How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
