if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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