he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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