she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
