Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
