Moan for me like Helen Keller
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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