If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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