Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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