I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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