I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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