Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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