Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Green mimosas i think yes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
