Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
