You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
