worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
