Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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