My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
