UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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