I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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