Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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