Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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