would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
