I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
