a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
