just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
