Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
