I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
